alright, here's the deal.

Sometimes, less is more.

Less stress = More happiness

I'm dropping my English 102 class. Oh, thank god. I just can't handle it anymore. Morning, afternoon, AND evening classes; homework, AND work. Want a way to jump ahead 23 years in life? Do that. Stay up all night, never eat, don't hang out with friends, live out of your car, work throughout the night AND day, and do the same thing every day. By the time I'd get home from school (9:30am - 7:30pm) I would be too exhausted to do anything. I'd just crash. Last Tuesday, I was up until 5:30 in the morning, working on homework. FUUUUUCKKK that. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to kill myself over this. Over school. Over EXTRA classes that I'm taking. I'm dropping my evening English 102 class. I'm going to not be stressed out all the time anymore. I'm going to be so happy. I'm going to get a normal night's sleep (haha, yeah right. but maybe). I'm going to finally have a chance to clean my room (I swear I'm going to do it). I'm going to be able to actually do my homework. I'm going to be able to see friends. I'm going to be able to remember what food tastes like and what the sun looks like.

My dad is enitrely supportive of me dropping it, too. He told me that he understands how hard it can be to balance everything at the same time. So, things are looking up.

Currently Reading Uglies (Uglies Trilogy, Book 1) By Scott Westerfeld see related

and it's about time.

I'm trying to let it go.

Currently Reading Go Ask Alice By Anonymous see related

I'm frustrated more than anything right now, and there's absolutely no one to talk to.

My sister: honestly, I hate her so much right now. She is so full of hate, and selfishness, and egotism, and ignorance. I don't know how she became this huge bitch that she is now. I'm honestly so nice to her, but she doesn't give a FUCK about that. She's a bitch regardless of the situation. She gets whatever she wants. Everyone gives it to her. She tramples over everyone and everyone lets her.

But I don't. There's no fucking way in hell that I would let a little 10 year old child walk all over me. Yet, she still insists on trying. Like she really thinks that she'll succeed. My parents see it all the time, but they don't do a goddamned thing.

Tonight, it started like this:
It's already pretty late, probably about 10 or so, and my mom suggests that we go to Walmart to go buy some gloves for ourselves. I ask Rachel if she wants to come along.
"But I'm not dressed for going; I'm in leggings."
"So go change real quick. I'll wait."
We get to Walmart and head straight toward the winter stuff. We decide on the gloves that we want and then start to look at the pretty scarves that they have on another rack.

Then we went into the office supplies section. She wanted to get a pencil sharpener, because apparently "the one at school makes too much noise" and she just wouldn't simply settle for a plain one either. She had to have the extravagent one, or whatever.
So, I told her, "Look, I'm the one with the money here. If I were you, I'd be treating me a whole lot better than you are right now. Put it back and get nothing if you're going to be like that with me." and I walked towards the checkout.

We got back into the car. Our fight was over. I told her that she could go ahead and open up her pack of gloves and put them on, since it was cold. We're coming down Jackson, almost up to the light into the neighborhood, and I say,
"Hey, wanna go on a diet and workout with me all the way up till Thanksgiving? It'll be fun!"
"No."
"Why don't you ever want to do anything with me? I try to be so nice to you and you're always like that. And you never do anything healthy for yourself."
"What?! I'm about to start a sport!" (fuck that. that's her agrument reply? It's probably a gay sprot too. Fuck if I even know what she's doing.)
"That includes eating habits, and yours are horrible." We were in the neighborhood by now. "Rachel, I'm trying to be nice to you. Would you like me to start treating you the way that you treat me?"
"...."
"Answer me! Would you like me to start treating you the way that you treat me?" (repeat these last to steps about 10 times.)
"No."
"No, what? Answer it in a complete sentence."
"NO.. why do you have to do this?!" (she has the nerve to yell at me now.) I stop the car in the middle of the road and put it in park.
"Answer in a complete sentence. Say the whole thing."
"No I dont-" A car was coming up behind us and I had to shift the car back into drive and move. Instead of going straight, towards the house, I turned right, up Kim's old street, made another right, and parked down the street up there.
"Now, do you want me to treat you the way that you treat me?"
(she spends forever not answering me. i spend forever repeating myself, getting more and more pissed off every time.)
"YES, ALRIGHT?! YES I WANT YOU TO TREAT ME THE WAY THAT YOU TREAT ME."
"Alright then. I'll treat you the way that you treat me. Oh, and it will be fun. You think you've seen mean? You don't even know what you're in for. This is Hell, and you're in it. Now shut up until we get home."

So we get home. I'm pretty much furious. I open up the door and smile to my mom, completely leaving all hate at the garage door, telling her of the things we bought. She notices that Rachel's rather sulky looking.
"Are you guys fighting?"
"Oh, no. We're not. We decided upon an agreement. Didn't we Rachel? I'm to treat you the exact way that you treat me? Right?" I turn to my mom, smiling.
"Why don't you just stop lying Veronica?" (She actually says my full name [raher retarded sounding, mind you] when she's trying to be a badass, my sister that is.)

Then, she actually took her pack of gloves and threw them directly right in my face.
How FUCKING dare she. FUCK that bitch. Who the FUCK does she think she is? That is fucking goddamned rude and disrespectful. And what's more, my mom doesn't do a goddamned thing.

Basically, so summerize what happened next, my mom excuses my sister to her room, saying that she doesn't need to apologize to me; I'm furious, yelling to my mom that I'm not about to let a 10 year old child walk all over me and that she lets her get her way all the time and she knows it; I'm crying for being so frusterated; my chest is hurting from all the frustration; mom, yet again, doesn't really give a damn and says that I'm the one who's out of line.

Honestly, before this, I was having the best day ever, in the best possible mood, even ask Sherin. I feel kind of retarded now. Why didn't I see something horrible coming? Being in a mood like that is too good. Something bad always comes to balance out a really good day. So now, I feel like all sorts of shit, I didn't get any of my econ reading done (I have another huge test coming up this tuesday; I'm on chapter 8 and I should be done through 12 and it takes a day+ to finish up a chapter), I still have psychology homework that I just remembered that I have, it's already 1 am, I didn't get a chance to wash my clothes so I have nothing to wear for tomorrow, and I'm tired as fucking ever.

That pretty much concludes Wednesday night.